Merry Christmas, Darling
by derpette-Waffle
Summary: Follow-Up to 'SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE' - Dan has every intention of proposing on Christmas, but has no idea how to go about it, and that's before the cold feet set in.


'Twas the night before Christmas –actually, it was about three o'clock Christmas morning. Dan was wide awake in bed, playing a silent game of Fruit Ninja on his phone to calm himself. He hadn't slept at all. His mind was flopping between incredible excitement and extreme anxiety, and he was feeling sick over it. The virtual fruit on the screen wasn't helping that much, but it was a distraction from today.

This was their first Christmas together. Since 2009 they'd only been together in spirit, over the phone or late night Skype calls. And those were great, they had fond memories, but there were too many Christmas memories they couldn't share. Now, four years into their relationship, they were finally spending the holiday season together.

Dan had already decided he'd be taking this time together to propose to Phil. He sort of wished he could come up with some romantic way to go about it, but he was completely lost on that. Sure, they weren't really much for romance, but this was a big deal, especially if Phil was going to say yes. Dan wanted it to be perfect; it deserved to be a perfect moment. But Dan, being the massive failure he was, set his standards for success low.

But that wasn't the main thing he was getting anxious over. More than anything, he worried over what the answer would be: whether or not Phil would say yes. The closer it came time to ask, the more nervous Dan was about it. He knew that even if he said no, they would still be together, and he'd just try again sometime in the future. But it would change things between them, for better or for worse. Dan couldn't take it back once it was put forth that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Phil.

It needed to be perfect, and Dan had no fucking clue how to do it.

He felt Phil stirring a bit underneath him. He looked up and saw, face illuminated by Dan's phone, that he was smiling in his sleep. Dan knew he had to be dreaming about Christmas morning –god, no grown man should be so excited about Christmas, and Dan loved it.

After staying up all night, Dan didn't really want to get up at five o'clock. Half the reason they'd assumed this sleeping position was so Dan could try to keep Phil locked in bed until a decent hour. Honestly, how difficult would it be to just wait until the sun came up?

It was still really early, though, so Dan figured he could get up and sit by the tree for a little while before he had to worry about keeping himself draped across his boyfriend's body. The tree was out in the lounge, all lit up and pretty in the darkness, and Dan wanted to appreciate it a little more before it had to be taken down.

He retrieved the ring and headed out into the lounge, plopping down onto the sofa. He toyed with the lid of the dark velvet box as he watch the lights twinkle. He remembered the first Christmas tree the two of them had put up together –it was the same tree. It looked much like it had in 2010, and it just made him think about how much they'd grown and mature. Their relationship had still been pretty young and fresh then –hell, Dan wasn't even sure they were exclusive then. Since, they'd become very serious about each other and what they had together. They'd been scared then, scared to take it as far as they wanted it to go. Now, they knew there was no need to be scared, because what they felt was real, and mutual.

Dan hadn't prepared what he was going to say when he asked. He had tried –lord, he'd tried- but no matter what he came up with, the words just didn't seem right. They weren't enough, and if Phil had any doubts, they weren't going to convince him. So Dan decided "fuck it, I'll say whatever comes out when the time's right." It was enough, and it was bullshit, but Dan was going to be stuck either way. He'd know what to say when he finally decided that it was the right moment.

Dan watched the tree for a few more minutes before realizing it wasn't so nice alone, and headed back to bed.

"Dan, wake up!"

Dan heard him, and felt the nudging at his shoulder, but he decidedly ignored both. He was too busy pretending to be asleep to acknowledge it. The ghost of a smile on his lips threatened to give him away, but Phil wouldn't be able to see it at this angle.

"Dan, wake up, it's Christmas!"

Dan decided to humor it. "Mm, so does that mean I don't have to hear the word 'eve' for another year?"

"Eleven months, yeah," Phil absently corrected, smiling brightly. "Now, off! We have to go open presents!" He tried to push Dan off of him, not too hard, but Dan seemed set on staying. "Dan..!"

Dan shook his head against Phil's chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I don't think so. I happen to like exactly where I am, thank you." He went to tease him, leaning his head up to bite at Phil's shoulder, but just catching the fabric of his shirt instead. He made a small gagging noise and returned to his position. "The gifts will still be there, Phil. We can afford to wait until the sun comes up."

Phil pouted and really did try to be patient, just lying there for a while, playing with Dan's hair and fidgeting with the edge of the duvet. The lure of getting Christmas started was growing overwhelming. Of all days for Dan to want to sleep in…

"You're gonna love what I got you," he said, trying less to convince Dan than himself. He was saving up for a ring, a nice one, to ask Dan to marry him. He hadn't had money to spare to buy Dan a proper gift; he could just hope that he liked it.

He waited a few more minutes, but by now he was getting really antsy. Dan seemed to be asleep, and he wouldn't go waking him up again. He should really stop saying up so late; it wasn't healthy, and he clearly couldn't even get himself out of bed on Christmas morning. But just as he was thinking about setting a bedtime –yes, a bedtime- for Dan, Phil noticed that he was actually playing with the hem of his shirt. Okay, now he had no hesitation to be an annoying kid on Christmas morning.

"Dan, we have to go open presents!" he squealed, overstating it a bit, shaking his boyfriend by the shoulders. He didn't stop until Dan all but shouted at him.

"Phil, no, stop! It's too early for this, it can wait until the actual morning!"

Phil ran out of patience and, smirking, managed to sit up against Dan's weight. Dan freaked out a bit when Phil turned, still on his lap and scared he'd fall right off the bed, and squeaked (the manliest of squeaks) when Phil picked him straight up in the air.

"Put me down!" Dan gasped, half-laughing and half terrified he'd be dropped.

Phil wasn't terribly strong, and set Dan on his feet just a moment later, but then ran out into the lounge and dropped himself onto the sofa. Dan followed grudgingly behind him.

Phil picked up the largest box from under the tree and immediately tore into it. He knew exactly what this was, he'd wrapped it himself. It wasn't a gift, but rather a more fun way to store their new Christmas jumpers. "Okay, this one is yours…" he told Dan as he handed him the one that had been on top in the box.

Dan blinked and smiled. They usually bought their own. He went to pull it on, no shirt underneath, and was only stuck inside it for a few moments before he got it over his head. He watched Phil putting his on and the sheer ugliness of it would be his reason if he were asked why he was only imagining ripping it right off him. "It's a miracle the neck hole is big enough to get over your alien head," he teased, laughing.

"Shut up." Phil was laughing, too, throwing the discarded wrapping paper at his boyfriend as he reached for a box.

The rest of the presents –even his own- were hazy for Dan. He was too busy wracking his brain for what to do when it came time for them to engage gifts. He should've thought to buy another present, not like he'd had the money for it, but just so Phil wouldn't be hurt when he didn't get anything. Should he propose then? He couldn't act like he'd forgotten to get him anything, it was Christmas and this was his longtime boyfriend. And it was their first Christmas together. Damn, damn-

"Dan?"

He must've looked like –as cliché as it sounded- a deer in headlights when Phil addressed him. "Yeah?" he sort of squeaked.

Phil smiled at him, a gorgeous smile that sparkled up in his bright blue eyes. He was holding a colorfully wrapped package in his lap, and then out to Dan. "Your present, from me."

Dan smiled and took it, undoing the gift wrap carefully, slowly, to give him a bit more time to figure things out. He wasn't really paying attention, until…

"'The Love Coupon Book'…?" Dan asked, curious. Phil didn't answer, only grinned a bit brighter, seemingly waiting for Dan to look through it. And so he did.

He found that there were colorful pages of 'coupons' for things like kisses, hugs, cuddles, sex, date nights, breakfasts in bed, laundry, dinners, dish doing, massages, baths, and sex. Oh, Dan had heard of these before. Phil had drawn these pages himself, and from the looks of it, a lot of work had been put in.

Dan grinned. "Don't I get these already?" he mused.

Phil beamed at him, as if he'd been waiting to say what came next. "Of course you do, all you have to do is ask. This is just a more fun way to do it."

Dan smiled softer now, and leaned over to hug Phil tight, kissing his cheek and for a moment forgetting his anxieties over the proposal or gift exchange. "Thank you, babe, I love it. I love you."

Phil smiled and hugged back even tighter, nuzzling his neck for a second. Dan suddenly remembered how he had nothing, and his heart dropped to his stomach. He waited for it to be brought up, for the moment he had to break his boyfriend's heart. In his worry, proposing here and now didn't even cross his mind.

But Phil didn't say anything. He didn't ask Dan if he had anything to give him, and seemed perfectly content that way. Dan was still on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It never did.

They cuddled under Dan's duvet on the sofa for a while, and even managed to sleep for a bit before later in the morning. Phil was the first to wake up, and took a long moment to just stare at his boyfriend's beautiful face. His soft features were enchanting.

Eventually it came about time to stop letting their Christmas drift away. "Dan?" he coaxed quietly. He reached up and booped his nose, and Dan came to life, smiling softly. "Come on, Dan, let's ring our families and enjoy our Christmas."

Dan nodded, rubbed at his tired eyes and stretched. "Alright, let's get it over with," he joked, laughing, and kissed Phil's forehead before he got up. Phil headed back to their bedroom for his call. Dan's phone was out in the lounge with him so he stayed put. He rang his mum.

Done a half hour later, Dan wasn't even focused enough to wait for Phil to be done. The conversation he'd just had was… odd, to say the least.

His parents were supportive when he came out to them –making sure he knew that they'd always love him, no matter what he did or who he wanted to spend his life with. He'd stepped outside for a few minutes to tell them about his loose plans of proposing where there was no chance Phil would overhear. They made sure to emphasize how the fact that Dan wanted to marry a man wasn't the reason they weren't really on board for it. Dan still felt a bit sick thinking about how his parents disapproved. They reminded him that he was only twenty-two years old: too young to settle down yet. They insisted he should take more time to discover himself before making such a huge decision.

And that got Dan thinking. Maybe… maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. He loved Phil to the ends of the earth, but they were both still young, and maybe too immature to make a move like this. Maybe they weren't ready for marriage. Dan had thought he was so ready for this, but after having an outside point of view…

"Dan!" He could hear Phil's smile from down the hall. "Dan! I had an idea!"

Dan smiled at him as he came into the lounge. He felt so drained, but Phil always managed to bring out any happiness in him. "What's your idea?"

"We make a spontaneous baking video; Christmas brownie graveyard."

Dan laughed a bit, remembering how last year in the Halloween baking video, Phil had made a ridiculous comment about how the viewers could make a Christmas graveyard. Apparently it wasn't a terribly farfetched idea in his mind; and if it made Phil happy, Dan would gladly go along with it. "Alright, let's make a Christmas graveyard."

The video wasn't instructional; by the time it was uploaded, Christmas would well be over and the video wouldn't be too useful. Other than that, much of it went the same as the Halloween one for a while, except Dan was visibly on edge. Phil wasn't aware of his longing gazes as Dan continued to contemplate whether or not he should pop the question. Phil went on leading the video in the same energetic, enthusiastic manner he always did. It being Christmas, it was only amplified, and Dan could swear his boyfriend was literally bursting with sunshine.

When it came to decorating, they changed it a bit so that their styling could be more fitting for Christmas. Phil was making marshmallow snowmen while Dan worked on gingerbread gravestones (about all that made it a graveyard, which was honestly still horribly inappropriate). But Dan had no focus on the gingerbread; he was just enjoying watching Phil's wide grin as he put detail into the snowmen. He wasn't artistically skilled at all, but he enjoyed it too much to worry about how it looked. Dan loved how carefree he always was.

"Dan… Dan, you're breaking them!" His signature yelp and laugh hit Dan's ears and brought him out of his thoughts. Dan laughed with him, a little more genuine and full than earlier.

They sprinkled confectioner sugar over the brownies to look like snow. Dan tried to stay focused on not piling too much up, but Phil seemed to have other ideas in that special little mind of his. Dan was sprinkling when his boyfriend started flicking it at him. Confused, Dan turned, and got hit in the face with some more. Phil laughed loudly and apologized, but Dan would have his revenge. He took the bag and started to dump it onto Phil's head, letting out some sort of evil laugh. Phil yelped some more and grabbed the bag of marshmallows. He ripped the large fluffy things in half, licked the insides and stuck them to Dan's face.

The food fight went on from there, and they were each far more covered in decorative edible bits than the brownies would ever be. Their eyes took the other in, and then met, and they burst into hysterics.

Dan was the first to calm down, and watching the sugar-coated love of his life laughing in such unadulterated joy, he knew.

He didn't give any warning. Phil's laughter calmed down while he was gone. He didn't question it, just figured that Dan had had to use the toilet. He was about to finish the video when his boyfriend came back in. He seemed a bit breathless and held a mutedly colorful box in his hand. He sat back down next to Phil, turned toward him.

"I'm sorry I didn't give this to you earlier, and I'm sorry it seemed like I didn't get you anything-"

"I wouldn't have minded, Dan. Really."

"None of that. You're my boyfriend and the person I love more than any in the world."

Phil froze up, the red blinking visible out of the corner of his eye. "Uh, Dan?"

"No, I need to do this. Here."

He gave him the box, and for a moment Phil just stared at it. On top of the box was an 'A'; just an A. Confused, he went to open it, to find… another box. This time, there was an 'R' on it. He removed that lid, and… another box, this one marked with an 'E'. And it went on like that. With each new box Phil felt his adrenaline building. What was all this –A, R, E, M, ?, R, and M- leading up to? The last lid was marked with a 'Y', and that was when Dan took it. He removed the lid himself, but hid the contents.

"Take those. Rearrange them."

It took a few seconds, and then… No. No, it couldn't be… But it was.

MARRY ME?

Tears pricked in his eyes. He turned back to Dan to see he was down on one knee, presenting the ring.

"I honestly wasn't sure this morning if I was gonna do this or not. I love you, I love you so much; I was worried that maybe we were too young to take a big step like this, but I was wrong. I don't need to find myself, because I found who I really am through you. You've helped me become who I am today, most importantly, you've brought me so much happiness that I can't even thank you enough for. But, if you'll have me, I'll try my damned hardest every day forever to return the favor. I won't let you ever forget how loved you are, or believe you're second to anything. You're my sun, my moon, and my entire fucking world. I… I honestly don't know what I'm saying anymore. I don't know if you can tell how badly I'm shaking; just so overwhelmed. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if I'd waited another five or ten or twenty years, I'd always come to the same conclusion: you are my life. And so, will you… will you marry me?"

There was never a verbal answer. Tears, happy tears, falling down his face, Phil flung himself down into Dan's arms. He held him tight and never wanted to let him go. Dan gripped him equally strong, convinced that if he ever took the presence against him for granted it would slip away forever. He kissed away the joyful tears as his own flooded down his cheeks. He pressed his nose into the side of Phil's face, and ruffled sugar from his hair.

He mumbled into the peppered black hair, "I'll take that as a yes."

That night, when they assumed their sleeping positions, they wished each other a good night and a merry Christmas, knowing this one had been perfect and they had a couple dozen more to look forward to with their to-be husband.


End file.
